It has been a long time since my last post. No real reason. Have not felt motivated or that had anything of real value to say. I hope what I say now, right off the top of my head, isn’t too terrible
A friend of mine once pointed out that by working in the recovery and rehab field, I would be surrounded by the disease of addiction all the time. There is good and bad to that. The bad is obvious: I see the trauma, the destruction and the horror that is part of the disease. In fact, last week, someone I knew through this job relapsed, lost his job and house and took his own life. He was young enough to be my kid.
The up side is that I will run into people who look so much better than when I first met them that they are all but unrecognizable. We had an alumni picnic this last weekend and it was just exactly what I needed to help sooth the heartbreak of loosing the other soul.
Addiction is a horrible, horrifying disease. It’s so powerful that it effects not only the addict, but everyone around him or her who the addict loves. It’s a brain disease that changes how the addict processes pleasure, memories and reality. It uses the very processes that evolution gave the brain to find food, find shelter and find mates and turns it toward only finding the substance. It’s a nightmare, except most of the time, the addict can’t find a way to wake up.
This is also why it is so joyful and miraculous when someone manages long-term recovery. We have beaten death. We have taken our brains and our lives back. We have found a way to live without the substance that our brains thought we could not live without, but we were not going to live with.
I suppose the things that were necessary for my day-to-day existence became tools of joy: my bike.
When I started this recovery journey, I could not afford car insurance, much less an actual working car. I used the mass transit around my home town, but it didn’t always run when I needed it. That’s when I bought my first bike, a Schwinn High Sierra mountain bike. It would was rigid. It was heavy. It was all mine.
I rode to work in cold, rain, heat and humidity. I rode to work, to rugby practices, to school and even to the grocery store, once in a while. Eventually, I rode for fun. I even found friends who rode.
Years later, I discovered this was actually helping re-wire my brain. Exercise, in general, helps repair the damage caused by substance abuse. It helps mind, body and spirit. It creates communities, it sets positive examples. It saves lives.
Just a thought.
Have fun, be safe. I’m going riding.
I have not made a secret of being in recovery. It’s been a long time since I was in the desperate, dark place that is rock-bottom addiction. It is so hopeless, so difficult. I would do anything, and I did. I did what it took to get a better life. If you have read Lance Armstrong’s War then you may know that many cyclists came from a similar hard, dark place. The author makes the comparison between the socioeconomic circumstances of European cyclists and American prize fighters. I would say it was more comparable to American football players: desperate and willing to do anything to make life better.
Lots of people, people who look as I do, feel such athletes should shut up and perform. After all, they are making extraordinary money. Do you know the desperation? Do you know their background? Do you know what it’s like to be that willing? And isn’t that the point of America? Isn’t that the dream we were taught as children? Work hard, do whatever it takes? I can’t condemn others for doing what they felt they had to.
And now, when these same folks are in a position to influence, a position to possibly help others in need, others who are in the same circumstance that they were once in, we condemn them. We criticize and insult. We hate them for achieving what we could not, what we would not do, what we felt we didn’t have to. They sacrifice what we are unwilling to and we hate them for it. We are the hypocrites.
Pro Football Hall of Famer, Howie Long, once stated that there was never a day when he did not wake up in pain. Many bright and amazing humans sacrificed everything to have a better life; to give those they loved a better life. They sacrifice their bodies. They sacrifice their brains. They sacrifice their future health and comfort for our amusement. How many of these people do we hear about who get huge paydays, then buy a house for their mothers, for their siblings, for their families. How dare they.
Ndamukong Suh is judged for his bad behavior on the field of play. He stomps, he spits, he does what is expected of him. Did you know that in 2011, Suh bought replacement equipment, all of their pads and equipment, for Frederick Douglass College Prep Academy in Detroit. Did you know Suh has his own philanthropic foundation, or that many athletes do? What bastards.
Now I could expand this analogy, but you get the idea. We can’t, or at least should not, judge people for reaction to circumstances of which we know little or nothing. I have some other ideas about from where this vitriol comes, but that’s another column.
Have fun, don’t judge. I’m going riding.
Once a year, for three weeks, there is no news. There is no Trevor Noah. No movie premiers. No baseball. There is only the Tour.
I have tortured my family with the bike races of Europe for a while. The one with which they are most familiar is the Tour de France. Three weeks, 21 stages across France and , occasionally, neighboring countries. I try to explain that,with Paul and Phil, it’s more than a race. It’s an experience, even if we never leave our own home.
History, hysteria, geography, linguistics and athleticism; what more could you want from a show. On stage 12 we see the 21 switchbacks, the Dutch Corner, the names of the hero who have ridden Alp du’Huez in the past.
While a few Americans ride the Tour, Tejay Van Gardener, Tayler Phinney, Lawson Craddick, they will not likely be huge factors. That doesn’t matter. There are young athletes with courage and heart and legs from all over the world; Froome, Quintana, Nibali. It’s a spectacle of pain, suffering and ultimately, glory!
My poor family have to put up with the broadcasts, the voices of Phil and Paul, the background noise of the crowds, me getting excited about the action and the landscapes. But they are pretty tolerant. I hope yours is, too.
Have fun, be safe. I’m going riding . . . right after the stage.
I seem to do my best writing on the road. Literally.
As we roll down I-80 toward our mountain home, I remember why I first wanted and rode a bike. It was all about the fun. Rolling through open lots, off of curds and down steep hills, it was all fun and that was all that mattered.
Years and years later, I’ve raced downhill, cross country, dual slalom, time trial, triathlon, cyclocross and track sprinting. But while I get competitive, it’s still about the fun.
I brought my old ‘cross bike, set up for gravel, with me on our trip back to my old home town. I had finished my TT season the week before, so I had no real reason to bring a more competitive bike. Swooping around the streets and through the parks of my old home town was just a ball. I trued to encourage others to ride with me, but things just didn’t come together. No matter. Not everyone finds riding as much fun as I do.
The trick for most of us is finding or making the time for fun, then finding the activity that suits us. My friend, Mindi, likes knitting. That would make me crazy but that does not matter. It’s therapeutic for her. My dad can spend all day sitting in a boat, drowning worms. Again, for Dad, it’s meditative.
Cooking, fishing, walking or riding, it’s really up to you. Find your bliss. Find what brings you joy. Share it if you can. Find ways to bring people you love together with your passion. If you are doing it for the love of it, you really can’t go wrong.
Have fun, be safe. I’m going riding.
I came into recovery, like so many, with extremely low self-esteem. The joke in recovery is that I didn’t think much of myself, but I was all I thought of. While I entered my 12-step fellowship immediately, it took me years to realize that one good habit I brought with me would serve me and my recovery for years to come.
The founder of The Phoenix, Scott Strode, states that something happens when we partake in athletic endeavors early in recovery. As we begin achieving goals, our self-esteem improves. As this happens, our identities shifts. We are no longer defined by the substance or disease that nearly killed us. We are no longer addicts. We become people in recovery; Survivors.
This is not an automatic event, not a switch that is thrown. This attitude takes time. It also takes more than movement. Exercise is not a replacement for the 12 Steps or therapy. Exercise is an adjunct, another tool in our recover toolbox. This, as it turns out, is something with which most addicts, in recovery or not, can identify; if one is good, more is better.
Exercise can by meditative. When one is hanging off of a rock face, forearms pumped, grip wavering, all one thinks of is the next handhold. The same is true with swimming or cycling or running. Just get through the next movement. This keeps us in the here and now in ways that we had not been capable of in the past. We don’t worry about the mistakes of the past or the mysteries of the future.
Similarly, movement can be a form of prayer. Perhaps there is an issue, a problem or challenge that I will take onto the bike during a long ride or even a walk with my family. The movement seems to lubricate those parts of my mind that help me solve the issue. I could explain the science, but then you would click on to something, anything, else. Just trust me on this.
Movement, exercise, athletics, can also promote fellowship. Many addicts, myself included, isolated in the latter stages of the disease. Shame and resentment drove me away from family and friends. Like the 12-Step programs, finding groups of like-minded people to share this experience helps us to break out of that isolation. We build friendships instead of walls. We relearn how to be a part of a community, instead of a part from. This promotes that sense of belonging that we craved but seemed incapable of before. It also begins to promote accountability. Like exercise, if one feels obligated to show up, one is more likely to follow through.
Exercise improves the bodies and brains of people recovering from addiction. It is also so much more. Our minds clear and our spirits are lifted as we lift more, run faster and climb higher. We feel better about ourselves as we encourage others to reach their goals. It’s another recovery tool. We can never have too much of that.
The year has begun anew. Lots of folk have made resolutions, earnest declarations that, this time, it will be different. This year, I will lose weight, I will eat better, I will stop drinking, write letters, join the gym . . . etc. Some may have already fallen by the wayside. The problem is not the feeling or desire. It’s the execution.
“Stop the yo-yo resolutions,” says my wife/partner/fellow wellness enthusiast, Kendra. “People make many different resolutions and set themselves up for failure. Make one promise to yourself and commit.”
Don’t think of your resolutions as a litany of “should.” Think of things you really want to do. Make a promise to yourself. Say to yourself “I want to . . . ” Then make goals rather than resolutions.
This year, I want to race more. I only participated in one real, sanctioned race this past year, so that should not be too hard. I have a list: a couple of individual time trials, a few velodrome TTs and a few sprint tournaments. This year, the mere rides will be “if funding allows.” I love Ride the Rockies and the Triple Bypass, but they will be down this list of priorities.
Making change is challenging. Our brains are wired to stay the course. We find something that feels good, chocolate, sex, new cars, heroin, and the reward center and emotional center conspire to make memories fooling us into believing, “I need this or I will DIE!” It sounds absurd, but that is what goes on. That is why smoking is hard to give up. This is why it’s hard to get off the couch and into the gym. This is why we are in the midst of an opioid crisis.
But here’s the thing; this same part of the brain can be used for good. Strenuous exercise floods the brain and, specifically, the pleasure center, with dopamine and endorphins, attaching to the same receptors as those less healthy activities and chemicals. This is the source of “runners high.” But it does not stop there. After a while, you form a new habit, you may even knock out some goals, which reenforces this new, better behavior. After that, you may begin seeing results, and that really hits the reward center.
But there’s a catch. You have to decide, or realize, that you are worth it. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to take time for yourself. Our daughter told us of a YouTuber who says, “I lost 25 pounds once I stopped fat-shaming myself.”
Make a goal that you are excited about. Eat one new vegetable, find a yoga class, find a workout partner, just one thing. Then, set a time period, say, by next weekend. Make it matter. After you knock out one, then make another goal. Make it measurable, I want to lose one pound by next Friday. Make it challenging without being outlandish. Recruit supporters. If you have good friends, they will want you to succeed and may even jump in with their own goals. Soon, the successes will pile up, creating a virtuous cycle that you will want to continue.
I recommend two books, “Spark! How Exercise Will Improve the Performance of Your Brain” by John Ratey and The Brave Athlete: Calm the F*** Down and Rise to the Occasion” by Lesley Paterson and Simon Marshall. Both are good for understanding our brains, how they help in our athletic pursuits and even help build better, stronger, more resilient brains.
Next time, I hope to interview the ride director for the epic Colorado ride, The Triple Bypass. In February, I will speak to the new director of Ride the Rockies and Peddle the Plains. I also hope to finally speak to “Mr. Shimano North America.”
Until then, have fun, be safe. I’m going riding.
My wife and I were out walking one Sunday, as we often do. We were discussing what comes next. Our little girl is not so little anymore, at 16. My wife has been in health care for more than 21 years and I have been into healthy living since I was a kid. Between the two of us, we have lots of knowledge and experience. And we both love helping.
My wife is an RN and I have a Certification of Addiction Counseling as well as a CrossFit Level II certification. I’ve been in recovery from addiction since 1989, have been a personal trainer, spinning instructor and lifting coach. We both spend a lot of time reading and researching, trying to learn more to help our community. We also want to keep setting a good example for our girl.
This represents something new, for us. I will still write a lot about cycling, but there will likely be more about exercise, in general, and how that plays into better mental health and wellness. My wife will likely contribute about other medical benefits, also with the idea of feeling good, from the inside out.
In the mean time, check out the new Giro d’Italia route. Mount Aetna and Monte Zoncolan are among the climbs of this year’s Giro. The real history, however, will be made right out of the gate, as the first stage will be an individual time trial in Jerusalem, and the next two stages around Israel. This will be the first time the Giro starts outside of Europe. Just something else to look forward to.
So have fun, be safe. I’m going riding!